The submission below comes from our lovely friend Laura, who is apparently a magnet for insecure middle aged men wearing New Balances. The offense in question is said runner's insistence on trying to pass Laura despite not having the requisite conditioning to do so. The Fitness Fashion Police will also soon be addressing the issue of high white cotton socks whilst running. BTW Laura, if you notice that he's also wearing a fanny pack, you are officially deputized by the F.F.P.D. and are authorized to arrest him for fashion crimes.
Excuse me middle aged asshole in the park who keeps trying to race me: stop it! About once a week I find myself being annoyed by some idiot who lacks self confidence and/or a waistline. He feels he’s proved himself if he can kick up his 992s fast enough to pass me for a split second, then have some sort of spasm for 30 seconds before repeating the whole scenario. Most recently I’ve had a repeat offender. He’s a NB 992 wearer who fancies his white cotton socks way up around his calf, and he has a life goal, I’m sure, to make it the entire 3.36 miles around prospect park.
I hear you coming up behind me “uuuuh! Gasp! Uuuuuuuuuuh Gasp!” Clip cloppering like a wounded horse, I mean wounded grizzly bear. I know it makes you feel like a man to pass a woman, but sprinting flat out for 10 yards to pass me, only to stop 5 yards ahead to dry-heave doesn't mean you've won. I'll hold your pace for 10 times further than you've ever run. But that never crossed your mind because you’re too busy barfing on your shoes and flat-lining in victory after your ¼ mile of glory. Your yo-yo “running” is driving me completely nuts and impeding on my calm morning runs. It’s great that I push you like that little rabbit in a dog race, but I will not continue to “pace” you for your ½ loop of the park, providing that “I will not get beat by a girl” inspiration that is your best “training” tool. Lets see your type A office gut hold that for 5 laps, then follow me into the woods (please don’t follow me into the woods.) Goodbye asshole, and Step off!