City Coach | Coach Cane's Blog

This Time the Cheater Was Honest

In the past, my healthy obsession with cheaters has led me to some very defensive and dishonest folks. There was one whose "lawyer" sent me a threatening letter explaining the subtleties of liable laws. Only there was no such lawyer. Then there was another whose "friends" defended her (and insulted me) via multiple nasty emails from multiple fake addresses, all from the same IP address. Even yesterday's bus riding cheater got all indignant and said he was "upset and angry that someone wants to cast these aspersions."

That brings us to a young man who was called out on Slowtwitch for his rather inelegant course cutting at Ironman last weekend. Rather than denying, threatening with lawsuits, claiming to have been abducted by aliens who magically transported him to the finish line, or some other excuse, he manned up and admitted his transgression. (See post #105 in the Slowtwtich thread for his mea culpa.) Sure he only came clean after he was called out, but at least he didn't use the Deny, Deny, Deny defense. Don't get me wrong, I'm not nominating him for a Nobel Peace Prize or excusing what he did, but he's a 22-year old who screwed up and then told his friends, family and about a zillion tri-geeks on a popular message board what he did. 

If You're Going to Cheat in a Marathon...

As both of my faithful blog readers know, I'm rather obsessed with folks who cheat at races. In the past we've written about a marathon who created his own fake bib, one who snuck fins into an Ironman swim, one who cuts courses and makes up fictitious races, and many other underhanded folks. Each of these racers should be ashamed and embarrassed, but at least they showed some ingenuity and creativity to make up for their lack of morals and decency. 

No such luck for Rob Sloan, who was initially credited with finishing third at this weekend's Kielder Marathon near Newcastle, England. It seems that Mr. Sloan hopped on a bus near mile 20 and took a ride to the finish. Though he initially referred to the race as "unbelieveably tough", he later admitted to cheating. The fact that his time was 21 minutes faster than his previous best, folks witnessed him getting on and off the bus, and the true third place finisher insisted that no one was between him and second place, Mr. Sloan is apparently both a cheater and bad at it. 

Many thanks to our team of intrepid reporters, including Steven Beck and Scott Towle for bringing this one to my attention. 

Et Tu Dozer?

I try to address a variety of topics at my humble blog; race results, training, trivia, and more. Posts on such topics get consistent albeit unspectacular traffic to the site. As you might expect, when I write about topless cyclists or other such salacious content, traffic goes up. But by far my greatest traffic comes on days when I post about cheaters. (The Open Letter to a Cheater post still has the house record.)

I like blog traffic. But I love dogs, so it's with great sadness that i must report the actions of Dozer, the 3-year old Goldendoodle who was seen crossing the finish line at the Maryland Half Marathon in 2:14:24. The full report can be read here. Sadly, it seems that Dozer has now been accused of cutting the the course. Apparently he ran out of his yard near mile 5 and joined the course there. Along the way, he drank water on the course (which is a cardinal sin if you're a bandit). He was even witnessed crossing the finish line and accepting a "finisher's medal.

The best cyclist in U.S. history is suspected of doping. The best bodybuilder in history is a known doper and now a known groper. But now it's man's best friend who is accused of cheating. Is nothing sacred?

***Addendum***.  It seems that Dozer even has a Facebook fan page and is raising money for Cancer research.  Bark on with your bad self, Dozer. 

Fun With Math - Marathon Edition

OK class - here's one. How is it possible to have 20,600 finishers in a race that has 19,500 entrants? Want a hint. If you give out Tiffany necklaces as the finisher's medal as they did at the Nike Women's Marathon, so less than scrupulous women will bandit all or part of the course in order to collect the prize. Considering that of the original 19,500 there were presumably a few DNF's, it means that probably close to 1,500 women (or guys in drag) jumped onto the course at some point and finished the race. 

Then there's the tale of woe from one newbie runner who actually ran the whole thing but forgot her bib and was removed by the bandit catchers. Considering that they let well over 1,000 bandits sneak by, I'd suggest that the race organizers employ better bandit catchers next time around. I know one hypervigilant coach from NYC who'd be happy to do it in exchange for the free flight to San Francisco.

Cheaters' Hall of Fame - New Member

I pride myself on my tenacity. I have spent inappropriately long periods of time researching cheaters out of nothing more than a healthy combination of OCD and an overly developed sense of right and wrong. But whomever is behing the Study of Kip Litton Running has put me to shame. Seems that the aforementioned Mr. Litton is a "runner" from Michigan with what, at first glance, appears to be an impressive resume. Sadly, while he may be a decent runner, what he's really good at is cheating. Like cutting courses cheating. Or driving courses cheating. The best one is that his website lists some impressive race results at races that don't exist!

Usually we require a waiting period for induction into the Cheaters' Hall of Fame, but for Dr. Litton we will make an exception. Congratulations Kip.

My Own Salute to Doug Stern

I've often said that when (OK - if) I grow up, I want to be just like Doug Stern. Doug was a great coach. He loved his work and his athletes loved and respected him. In the years that I knew Doug I learned a lot about swimming, but also a lot about coaching and communicating. And I learned that loving your work and making a living weren't mutually exclusive. I'm not arrogant enough to suggest that I'll ever be as good as Doug was, but it's something for me to aspire to.

But there's one other way in which I can try to follow in Doug's footsteps. For years he was New York Road Runners' Chief Bandit Catcher at the NYC Marathon. He and his staff were in charge of removing (forcibly if necessary) anyone who tried to get near the finish line without an official bib on display. Regardless of why people tried to cheat, he wouldn't stand for it. People sometimes ask why I'm so uptight about those who take shortcuts - whether it's by doping or by literally cutting the course. My answer is that it is disrespectful to those who really do the race. Hard work had its rewards, and people who try to reap those rewards while avoiding the discipline that is required to earn it shouldn't get to share that glory.

So let's call my obsessive monitoring of marathon (and other race) results for cheaters my little personal salute to Doug. May he rest in peace.

No Positive Does Not Mean Negative

Along with today's confession, Floyd Landis accused several other prominent riders, including Lance Armstrong, of doping. And Armstrong's defenders immediately jumped in with their usual refrain; reminding us that Lance has never tested positive. Unfortunately, in a world where doping and masking techniques are a step ahead of detection methods, the lack of a positive does not make for a negative. 

As Exhibit A of that statement, I present Marion Jones. In the photo at the left, Ms. Jones - who never once failed a drug test, and who has now admitted to using performance enhancing drugs - is shown in the 100-meter dash, winning by the largest margin in the Olympics in decades. Two of the women way back in her rear view mirror - Ekaterina Thanou and Merlene Ottey - are known drug cheats. At the time, I pointed out that it seemed rather implausible for dirty, world class athletes to be dominated by a clean one. Still, with quotes like I AM AGAINST PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS. I HAVE NEVER TAKEN THEM AND I NEVER WILL TAKE THEM [caps from her autobiography], perhaps you believed her despite the pile of circumstantial evidence including her performances and the fact that she was surrounded by known cheaters. But now it's obvious that she was a liar, and that negative tests mean nothing.  

Personally, I never believed Landis. And my disdain for him grew when he whined about getting busted, and suckered cyclists all over into donating to his legal fund. None of that means that he's lying now. People want to believe that Lance is clean. I want to believe that Lance is clean. Because he is American, he is a cancer survivor, he has done tremendous charitable work, and because we want to think that the sport still has some clean riders. In my heart of hearts, I hope so. Maybe Lance, Levi Leipheimer, George Hincapie and the others mentioned by Landis are clean. But simply calling Landis a rat (as so many already have) is obfuscating the real problem, and pointing to a multitude of negative tests is meaningless.

Landis Comes Clean?

In a confession that's shocking for its existence but not for its content, it looks like Floyd Landis has finally given up his denials, conspiracy theories, and stories that his dog ate his blood samples. He now admits to using EPO, HGH, testosterone, blood transfusions, female hormones and insulin during his cycling career. When he was busted after "winning" the 2006 Tour de France, he vehimently denied the charges. In the process, he lost his life savings (and took money from lots of gullible fans who held fund raisers for him), his career and his marriage, and ultimately his Tour victory. But as of today, it seems that he is no longer denying the charges.  

Whether it's a crisis of conscience or vindictiveness, not only is he admitting his use, but he's accusing lots of other riders of doing the same. He has accused Levi Leipheimer, Dave Zabriskie and Johan Bruyneel as well. And Lance Armstrong and George Hincapie's - both of whom were teammates of Landis - have been mentioned as well. According to the Wall Street Journal (who has seen Landis' e-mailed confession) Landis claimed that his blood draws took place in Lance's apartment, that blood bags belonging to Armstrong and Hincapie we kept in a refrigerator at Armstrong's apartment.  Landis also claims that when Armstrong left the apartment, Landis was asked to "make sure the electricity didn't go off and ruin the blood". 

Open Letter to a Cheater, Part 2

Dear Cheater:

When last I wrote, it was concerning your exploits at the 2009 NYC Marathon. You remember - the race where you printed up your own bib and snuck into the race.  If you've forgotten, you can refresh your memory by checking the Brightroom photos of yourself mugging for the camera. By now you've probably realized that writing your real name on your shirt to go with your fake number is kinda like robbing a bank and passing the teller a note written on the back of your business card.

Anywho, as you know, our friends at NYRR didn't take kindly to that little stunt. They threatened to do things to you that you wouldn't do to a farm animal. And you came running back begging forgiveness and probably even sent a bouquet of flowers to Mary Wittenberg. After all, considering what they could have done to you - and what is being done by other race organizers who are bringing criminal charges against other cheaters - a little groveling probably wasn't the worst course of action. Lesson learned, and now you'll be on your best behavior. After all, to cheat again would be like Tiger Woods going out and picking up a floozie after his next tournament. You're too smart for that, right? 

Maybe not. As an eagle-eyed reader (thanks Dave) of this humble blog pointed out, apparently you gave away/sold your bib in this year's NYC Half Marathon, which is also a clear violation of NYRR's policy. Didn't you think to tell your friend that she shouldn't pose for photos after the race if she was pretending to be a 25-year old guy? I mean you're sleazy and all, but you clearly need a smarter accomplice next time.  

See you then.

Regards, 

Jonathan

Cheaters = Criminals?

At yesterday's North Face 10k, the race officials initially announced that the second place finisher was a woman that none of the other top competitors remembered seeing.  The woman who was given the 3rd place trophy was sure she had come in second.  The woman who thought she was 3rd was told she was 4th, etc.  I only recognized this because NSQ was 5th in the official results but was confident that only three women were ahead of her.  When the mystery woman didn't show up to accept her award, it seemed clear that something had gone wrong.  Maybe she cut the course, maybe was in the wrong race, but something didn't make sense.

After a little bit of nagging, the race timer realized what had happened.  The woman assigned that number and chip had switched with a male racer who had the next number.  (Presumably this was accidental, and could have been an error at the registration table.)  Order was restored and all the ladies got their rightful prizes, but on the drive home we were speculating about ways that such things can happen, and how to deal with them.

Well, look no further than Colorado's famous Leadville 100.  At the 2009 race, the woman who came in second in the 40+AG was not who she said she was. In fact she was a 36 year old Wendy Lyall, who had used the entry and raced under the name Katie Brazelton.  When someone realized that the woman who crossed the line was not the one who accepted the award, race officials were tipped off, and now according to the Denver Post the two have been charged with criminal impersonation, which is a class 6 felony in Colorado.

The women who were deprived of their proper awards will get them at a special ceremony before this year's race.