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Another Anti-Cheater

At our year-end party, we awarded our own Jeannine Bardo with the Anti-Rosie Ruiz prize for doing four laps instead of three during the Flat as a Pancake Tri.  It seems that Jeannine would have had some competition if golfer J.P. Hayes had gone into triathlon.  Here's the AP story:

Wisconsin native J.P. Hayes disqualified himself from the PGA Tour Qualifying Tournament for inadvertently using a golf ball that isn't on the list approved for competition.

It's not uncommon for PGA Tour members to call penalties on themselves in a sport that's self-policed. For Hayes, 43, it's particularly tough because it makes him ineligible to play full time on the PGA Tour in 2009.

During last Wednesday's qualifying, Hayes' caddie pulled a ball out of his golf bag and flipped it to him. After two shots he realized it wasn't the same one he had started his round with and took a two-shot penalty.

Later while relaxing in his hotel room, he realized it was not a legal ball and he reported it leading to his disqualification.

Considering all the recent talk about the rampant drafting at IMFL, as well as the more blatant examples of cheating, it's nice to see someone playing by the rules.

Finman Part 2

 I recently posted an entry about "Finman", who apparently tried to use SCUBA fins at Ironman Florida. There was widespread speculation as to Finman's real identity, but since his name was still on the official finisher's list (and I was getting notes from people claiming to be lawyers even though the Bar Association never heard of them), I chose to pull his name from my entry.  

Today Frank Cardia's name was added to the DQ list for IM Florida.

New Cheaters' Hall of Fame Nominee - Finman

At last week's NYC Marathon, our friends at NYRR employed mats at every mile from the Queensboro Bridge to the finish, therefore all but eliminating the opportunity to cut the course without it being obvious.  Of course this spoiled my fun, since there are few things that I enjoy more than sifting through 35,000 runners' results and pointing the accusing finger of blame at those who take the short way home.  Thankfully, my disappointment has been replaced with glee, as it seems that a short 24-hours before NY, there was an instantly legendary case of cheating at Ironman Florida. 

The gentleman pictured to the left (in a photo from the Slowtwitch message board) apparently attempted to bring SCUBA fins into the water at the beginning of the swim.  Discussion about this racer has overwhelmed Slowtwitch (which has shut down the thread) and other message boards.  Until we're 100% sure of the story behind this, and the identity of Finman, we'll not identify him by name.

No Cheating Allowed?

Johanna just alerted us to the following information which is listed in the official NYC Marathon handbook:

Additonal (sic) chip mats from mile 16 to finish: Chip mats will be located at the start, every 5K from 5K to 40K, the half-marathon mark, and every mile between mile 16 and the finish.

The good news is that I won't have to spend a few hours on Sunday night sifting through the results looking for cheaters.  The bad news is, there will be far fewer amoral slackers to publicly humiliate. 

The Rosies

Over dinner with some of the Reach the Beach squad last night, the topic of running cheaters came up.  In that vein, I think it's time for a new award.  The Rosie.  Henceforth, this humble blog will award Rosies - for noteworthy efforts to shorten courses and otherwise avoid the hassle of playing by the rules - in memory of the great Rosie Ruiz.  Of course we have to award some of these retroactively due to fine efforts documented here, here, here, and most notably here.  Cheaters, please skulk up to the stage and accept your award. 

Now for the newest member of our exclusive club, I present to you James Scott, who proves a couple of things.  First of all - never trust a man with two first names.  Secondly, age is no deterrent to cheating.  This Rosie will be presented by the Race Director of the California International Marathon.  Below is the transcript of their award presentation, which can be read at their website.

James Scott, 68, Fremont California, crossed the CIM's finish line with the clock showing a time of 2:47:13, a potential age division American record time. His performance was investigated and was not corrobated by the acquired evidence. USATF event referees disqualified him, and no appeal was made concerning this decision. Several other runners were investigated for a variety of reasons including no start or half-way Chip times and no photos or video at random locations on the course. Several of these were removed from the official results with the majority of them admitting to not running the entire course. Runners not running the entire course must NOT CROSS THE FINISH LINE. Investigations resulting from these runners actions are time consuming, expensive and wasteful of event resources.

Dope But Not A Doper

After informing his audience that a North Korean shooter was stripped of his medals and tossed out of the Olympics along with a Vietnamese gymnast Friday for failing doping tests, Jim Lampley of NBC proudly announced that these were just the second and third positive tests of the games.  Don't worry Mr. Lampley - you're not the first to insult my intelligence.  Of course he's technically correct, but he ignores the multitude of positive tests from athletes chosen for their Olympic team who tested positive before the games.  More importantly, he ignores the unfortunate truth that a lack of a positive does not mean a negative.

Some folks have called me a cynical bastard - which I suppose is an upgrade since they usually just call me a bastard - for voicing my opinion that there are lots of other dopers at the games despite so few positive tests.  Here's why.  Exhibits A and B - Marion Jones and Antionio Pettigrew.  Both won Olympic medals.  Both never failed a test.  Both spent years swearing up and down that they were clean, and damning those who would dare to question their integrity.  Both have since admitted that they were repeatedly doping, and have been stripped of their medals.  Exhibits C and D - any positive tests for Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire?  Any doubts that they were dirty?  E and F - Amy Van Dyken and Matt Biondi won a boatload of Olympic swimming medals and were then implicated in the Balco scandal.   

And while I'm being cynical - if those 70 pound Chinese gymnast girls with their missing baby teeth are really 16, then Dara Torres is really only a college sophmore.  Maybe that explains it.   

Told Ya

More Olympics doper suspensions.  Today, world No. 1 Italian foil fencer Andrea Baldini, and last week USA swimmer Jessica Hardy tested positive for the banned stimulant clenbuterol.  More to come, no doubt. 

Who Says Cheaters Never Win?

Mom always said that cheaters never win, but I'm not so sure.  Here are a few examples of folks who have cheated, admitted cheating, and still prospered. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger abuses steroids and wins Mr. Olympia, then becomes a movie star,  is appointed the Chairman of the Presidents Council on Physical Fitness, marries Maria Shriver and becomes Governor of California.  Without the steroid abuse and the notoriety that came from it, it's a pretty safe bet that none of the other things would have ensued.  (And let's not even discuss how obscene it is that an admitted steroid abuser received a presidential appointment from George H.W. Bush in which he was a role model for children).

Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels, admitted that he made up stories about non-existent crimes, attempts on his life and allegations that he was kidnapped by the New York Transit Police in order to get attention for his organization.  Despite filing false police reports, he was never arrested.  His actions brought tremendous press attention to the Guardian Angels, who had been relatively unknown before that.  Today, Mr. Sliwa is a radio talk show host and frequent paid speaker.  Without his criminal lying and the attention that followed, it's quite possible that he would be back at McDonald's, where he was Night Manager until the Guardian Angels achieved notoriety.

Then there's Rick Dutrow, trainer of Big Brown.  After winning the first two legs of the Triple Crown, he called his horse's competition "a bunch of clowns" and guaranteed victory. "No one is going to catch him. I can't wait. There's no way in the world there's any horse that's doing any better than Big Brown. That's impossible."  Oops.  Of course being a loud-mouthed windbag who wouldn't know good sportsmanship if it slapped him in his fat face doesn't make Mr. Dutrow a cheater.  It just makes it that much more fun to point out that he is one. 

In 2005, Dutrow was suspended when two of his horses tested positive for a local anesthetic called Mepivacaine.  Dutrow has been fined or suspended each of the past eight years for doping-related offenses, most recently a pair of $500 fines in January for illegal amounts of Phenylbutazone, an anti-inflammatory drug, at Gulfstream Park in Florida. His horses have also tested positive for illegal amounts of Clenbuterol, a respiratory drug, and Lasix, an anti-bleeding medication.  Dutrow also regularly (and legally) administers Winstrol - the steroid that Ben Johnson and others were busted for - to his horses. 

And we haven't even gotten to what Dutrow himself has done.   Several marijuana offenses. A suspension in Maryland 28 years ago for "allegedly participating in a scheme involving stolen checks, forgeries ... and cashing checks under false pretenses."  A 1991 suspension in New York for attempting "to provide a false urine sample by means of an apparatus concealed upon his person." 

Yes, Dutrow's horse lost yesterday, but he has already made buckets of money off the first two triple crown races and will further profit from the notoriety that he has gained.  It seems that no one cares that he is an habitual cheater, as long as he can produce results.

She's Not Really a Marathoner - She Just Plays One On TV

Thanks to the swift work of the Race Director and Timer, Haily Bond has been disqualified from the Mardi Gras Half Marathon.  She is no longer listed in the results and Blair has moved up to 3rd in her AG.  As our loyal readers know, Ms Bond was originally credited with a 3:15, but upon further inspection, it became clear that she didn't run the whole course.  If you're wondering why she would not only cut the course, but also mug for the cameras in the finish line photos, we've found the answer - she's an actress. Here's her profile. 

My New Best Friend

The woman in the photo to the left is Haily Bond.  In this shot she's chugging along on the way to her 2:05 split for the first half of the Mardi Gras Marathon last week.  Apparently Ms Bond was holding back just a bit and grew tired of plodding along with the other middle of the pack runners, as she managed to pick up the pace and run 1:10 for the second half, edging our Blair Heinke of her 3rd place medal in the 25-29 age group.  In fact she was moving so fast that she even eluded the cameras until the finish.

Thank you to blog commenter, and my new best friend Ron, who brought this "Paula Radcliffe-esque" performance to our attention.